I was reminded of an old feeling today. I requested help from an acquaintance yet hadn’t heard back so followed up on on the request today. I received a very curt reply that left me feeling […..] something. I know this feeling, I have not felt it for a long time, but I have felt it a lot in the past.
This feeling was very uncomfortable and that was all that mattered to me and it was clearly a feeling I hadn’t resolved. So I sat and focused on the feeling trying out different words to see if they had any effect. I think the feeling was a combination of feeling bullied with the feeling of having done something wrong. (childhood issues? hahaha)
I am still not sure what the feeling is to be honest it is still mildly there, changing my reality in some way. What I will do now is just stop trying to label and pigeon hole this and just accept that this is what I’m feeling right now and it is perfectly inspiring me to ‘do’ things that have a perfect out come in my future what ever it might me (that bit isn’t important)
It really puts me in state of appreciation though, whilst I’ve been made to feel uncomfortable, it is such a great opportunity to do some work on myself so I can exercise more control over the outcomes in my life. It is likely that the feeling is only one aspect of it…. what is being reflected back at me generally? mmmm – well the answer is right in front of me if I look.
The corner of my life this is coming from is related to a period of my life when I was living in France, a period I have a lot of difficulty ‘seeing’ clearly’ and in the raising of my own awareness, it is an area I have avoided. Almost like I don’t want to know how much I hated myself or felt hated at that time and of course this didn’t start in France, it start long long long before that. I guess this experience today is calling me to deal with in now.
It is so true that we really can’t hide from our ‘screwed up’ selves – we just keep being visited over an over again by these uncomfortable feelings until we do something about it. I just think life is amazing the way is works and keeps us on our toes!